The Hard Part

Yesterday we expected all of our kids to be back from Fall Break - we were one short. We were informed that he had been placed with a family member in FL and had already moved. Isn't it amazing how FAST that happens, yet adoption takes sooooo long? And by amazing I mean ridiculous, cruel, unfair, and terrible. We didn't even get to say goodbye. I felt robbed. We would have thrown a party! We would have hugged him! But instead, we got no closure. It feels like getting kicked in the stomach. Micah and I both cried. A rarity, I assure you. We're not criers. But we love our kids! And we want them to know! I hate having to wonder if he knew that we cared about him, that we were sad he left, that we loved him, and that we miss him already. It took my breath away to realize the uncertainty that these children face in foster care. How can they do this to people? To kids? It feels like court-ordered abduction. It certainly doesn't feel like the best thing for anyone.

It also awakened me to the importance of telling every child that they are loved, not only by us but by Jesus. I feel sure that this little boy understood that - I even mentioned it to my Sunday School class on Sunday before I knew what had happened. He had mentioned God several times at BigHouse. I realize that we never know how much time we have with anyone, but this brought it especially close to home. I want to be more intentional. It's of utmost importance. I miss our boy. I pray that he is taken care of, and loved, and safe, and happy, and not afraid. God never intended for this system of foster care to happen. It's messed up and broken and hurtful, like the rest of our fallen world.

What day is it anyway?

So fall break is over and Wednesday is my mostly unstructured day anyway, which makes for a very confusing life! I got up this morning and walked to the park and RAN the exercise track. Yes, ran, and didn't even feel that out of shape - playing tag with the girls has done wonders for me. I kinda want to go get them and take them to the playground before it gets dark this evening...

I went to lunch with Micah - I feel like I haven't talked to her in ages! It was fun. Came to BigHouse and my Wednesday volunteers knocked everything out so fast I sent them home early.

Tonight I'm helping Micah and Natalie get decorations ready for a ladies event at the church tomorrow night - they've worked so hard getting everything together! I'm so proud of them.

Little girls, little girls

I am having a fantastic fall break with Ariel, Cheyenne, and Felicity. They're Micah's little sisters by adoption. Their parents are out of town, enjoying some much-needed and deserved break from the littles. So I'm getting to enjoy time with them. Friday night was our Kids' Night - we have a sad lack of pictures due to our BH camera messing up, but I can tell you it was a blast. Micah and I shared a feeling of being one step ahead of disaster the whole night, but God is in the details too and everything went off without the kids noticing any hitch! I brought the girls home and we sent their family on their way.

Saturday I took them to Frog Legs, a party place with inflatables. Here are some pics:

Lissy and Cheyenne - action shot!

Ariel - the big slides looked like soo much fun!

Then we came home and made popcorn balls:

That is one serious popcorn ball!

Girls have to model everything, obviously!

Today we went to church - well-dressed and on-time, mind you! Took a picnic lunch to the park afterward and played hard on the playground. I would like to know how many calories playing tag with three elementary schoolers burns in 45 minutes. Came home and took a nap then did a 5-minute tidy of the livingroom and went back to the park by popular demand. This time we did the exercise track - a one mile loop with 8 exercise stations. I've done it twice before, but never running between all the stations! Whew. Then of course we needed another hour of playground time! I may not be able to move in the morning. haha Didn't take any pictures today - lame, I know. Too busy playing! I'm a terrible photographer.

Got pizza and watched "Diary of A Wimpy Kid" tonight - sweet, funny, sometimes sad, but really good I thought. Worth the redbox dollar in case you were wondering! We also got "Letters to Juliet" which we're saving for tomorrow. Oh the girls were so tired and on the verge of meltdowns tonight. But everyone got a bath and got in bed by 9. So they got to enjoy staying up a little later, and hopefully they'll sleep in tomorrow! I'm not holding my breath though. Setting my alarm for 6:15 again!

Yesterday's Songwriting Class

Here is the masterpiece created by the BigHouse Songwriting Class yesterday! (Tune of "My Favorite Things" from the Sound of Music)

Sweet candy apples and pies made of pumpkin,
hoodies, and blue jeans, and leaf piles for jumpin'
birds singing softly on windy mornings,
these are a few of our favorite fall things.

Halloween costumes, and trick-or-treating,
hiking, and camping, and turkeys for eating,
football and hayrides, leaves falling from trees,
these are a few of our favorite fall things.

When the night falls, when the wolf howls,
When I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite fall things,
and then I don't feel so bad!

We're getting our playground finished today and getting ready for Kids' Night Out on Friday! I'm keeping Micah's 3 little sisters Friday night through Tuesday while their parents are out of town. Should be a par-tay!

BigHouse Second Saturday

Getting our playground ready, respite for foster parents, games and fun for our kids!
My boys Brian and Chris

Teen girls painting canvases indoors

Our worker men

Kids playing outdoors

A New Perspective

Since today was my "day off" I packed up and moved some of my stuff to Blake's Grandmom's - my new home in Opelika. And unlike Mema's, where I lived for 6 months in GA, Grandmom actually still lives at her house, so we are going to be roommates. As I talked about in my post last week, I've been working through some mixed emotions about the move, but some things became glaringly apparent to me today when I wrote an email to a dear friend. Here is an excerpt:

"Moving is sad. Even if it's down the street it feels like saying goodbye to something. Moving is work. Too much packing and cleaning and unpacking involved. Moving is unsettling. Suddenly I have to re-prioritize all my belongings and leave behind things I might need. It makes me feel insecure. My home is where my stuff is, and not only is my stuff getting smaller and smaller, but now it's spread out too. And at Micah and Blake's I had my furniture. Now I don't even have that...

Figuring out a new routine is stressful this time instead of feeling like an adventure. I don't want to establish a new routine and then have to adjust when Grandmom gets back from her trip...

The furniture in my new room is stressing me out. There's too much of it and I'm trying to find a place in the house where I can move the stuff I don't want in there. I only have 2 drawers for my clothes.

Wow - I just reread what I've written and thought, "This is what a foster child goes through, x100". My heart is broken for them. Regardless of where I live, I still have my family and friends. I wasn't forced out of my home - I chose to come. I was HAPPY to come. I wasn't abused or neglected. I am loved and blessed beyond what I could ever deserve. And I am not a child. I am a well-adjusted, big and brave, experienced, independent adult. What do I have to complain about? I'm so sorry. I am so selfish."

So that's what's up with me today.

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

Community, a pep-talk for myself

I love the idea of community. I love to see the body of Christ at work in the world. I love living with people, eating with people, having deep discussions with people, serving people, loving people. I think Jesus loves it too. He reminded us to relate to one another as brothers and neighbors. To be generous, forgiving, hospitable, compassionate, kind, gentle, honest, and above all, loving. This is so earnestly contested by our enemy, the devil. When we take our eyes off Jesus we are prone to becoming selfish, vengeful, easily angered, lazy, and proud.

I took a walk this evening to talk to Jesus - I started thinking about community. I passed a lot of houses, several people, but didn't know any of them, and didn't speak to any of them. How sad. Instead of thinking, "How can I serve that person?" I was thinking, "I hope they keep their dog away from me" and "Wow, that family with the four kids with backpacks are sure getting home late." I need to be so much more conscientious about sharing God's love with others. And I know this is not something I can do on my own, but only in His power, with His love.

My room at Grandmom's is ready. I don't know why I am feeling anxious about moving. Maybe because I've settled into a routine with Micah, Blake, and Anderson at their house and don't want to uproot and learn a new way of doing things, relating to people, etc. Or maybe because this step toward community (different from what I'm now experiencing) is fiercely contested in the spiritual realm. I believe that it is our responsibility to care for our grandparents' generation. Grandmom is a widow - I should be thrilled to be so privileged to help look after her! Serving widows and orphans, all in the same day! God's highest calling to us as Christians! "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27 Keeping myself from being polluted by the world's striving to be wealthy, well-known, beautiful, independent.

We have every resource and opportunity to be strong in community - houses close together, technology that keeps us in constant communication and saves us the time that used to be spent on personal chores (preparing food, washing clothes/dishes, cleaning, going places)...and yet, the easier it seems to have time to spend with one another, the more things we find to fill that space in our lives. Tonight I'm going to focus on things that help build community (writing encouraging notes to friends, spending time with my Creator) rather than the things that so easily distract me from what is important to God.

Thanks for listening. I needed that.