Since today was my "day off" I packed up and moved some of my stuff to Blake's Grandmom's - my new home in Opelika. And unlike Mema's, where I lived for 6 months in GA, Grandmom actually still lives at her house, so we are going to be roommates. As I talked about in my post last week, I've been working through some mixed emotions about the move, but some things became glaringly apparent to me today when I wrote an email to a dear friend. Here is an excerpt:
"Moving is sad. Even if it's down the street it feels like saying goodbye to something. Moving is work. Too much packing and cleaning and unpacking involved. Moving is unsettling. Suddenly I have to re-prioritize all my belongings and leave behind things I might need. It makes me feel insecure. My home is where my stuff is, and not only is my stuff getting smaller and smaller, but now it's spread out too. And at Micah and Blake's I had my furniture. Now I don't even have that...
Figuring out a new routine is stressful this time instead of feeling like an adventure. I don't want to establish a new routine and then have to adjust when Grandmom gets back from her trip...
The furniture in my new room is stressing me out. There's too much of it and I'm trying to find a place in the house where I can move the stuff I don't want in there. I only have 2 drawers for my clothes.
Wow - I just reread what I've written and thought, "This is what a foster child goes through, x100". My heart is broken for them. Regardless of where I live, I still have my family and friends. I wasn't forced out of my home - I chose to come. I was HAPPY to come. I wasn't abused or neglected. I am loved and blessed beyond what I could ever deserve. And I am not a child. I am a well-adjusted, big and brave, experienced, independent adult. What do I have to complain about? I'm so sorry. I am so selfish."
So that's what's up with me today.
"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8
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