March Madness

Today is March 1st and I feel like this month is already spoken for - all of my weekends are booked and while that's not all bad, it has me feeling slightly trapped. Because you know me - I like to keep my options open and travel on a whim. But there will be plenty of traveling - next weekend I'm going to the kNOw More Orphans Conference in Birmingham to host an expo table for BigHouse. We have a really professional looking presentation board and everything. The next Saturday I'm going with my Sunday School class to the Passages exhibit of Bible artifacts in Atlanta. The last weekend we're taking a BigHouse staff beach trip. We are SO EXCITED. At least, I am. I'm pretty sure the others are too.

I can't believe it's March again. Last year, March was an out-and-out disaster. My life was falling apart because of my headache and my parents came to rescue me. Then Bucky died. I spent three weeks in Tennessee, primarily in the bed or on the couch. I was on Topamax and it was horrendous. I wanted nothing but relief from pain so that I could live my normal, happy life. I thought I was going crazy (actually, I probably was). I remember crying and crying and saying, "I just don't understand!" - what was God doing? How could this be ok with Him? Wasn't I more valuable at work at BigHouse than lying in agony at home?

Last night I read a book(let) that brought me to an altogether different place with the headache. Acceptance. I will admit that when I got to the part about accepting your life, I had to put the book down and have a tantrum. "No God! I can't! This pain isn't ok with me!" But after finishing the book (all 32 pages, ha) and spent an hour in prayer over it, I wanted nothing but to fully surrender myself to Him and His will and trust His goodness. That's what He's been gently (and sometimes not-so-gently) telling me for over a year - "Trust Me." But I think I've finally gotten to a point where I can honestly say, "Ok Lord, whatever Your will is for me, I want it. I want it more than relief from pain, or an answer, or an understanding, or even a reward. I just want You, Jesus. You are enough." I want to know God more intimately. I want to be usable to Him. I must continually surrender my will to His. There is peace in surrender. God is good and His mercy endures forever.

The booklet is called The Great Lie by Martha Kilpatrick. I had been warned that it was deep and transformational, and I thought I was prepared. Ha. I'm reading it again today. And probably tomorrow. I'm beginning a discipleship relationship with a godly woman I have an increasing amount of respect for, and she gave the book to me. We're getting together next week to discuss it. I am beyond thrilled to have someone to disciple me! I'm so thankful that God placed her in my life to pour into me and challenge me and teach me more about Him.

"I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me." Psalm 13:6

"You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed. Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees!" Psalm 119:4-5