Caffeine vs. Melatonin

A little explanation of the title - pain's been keeping me awake lately. This is my fourth straight red day. A record. Well, ok - a recent record. We won't count the three months before I had a diagnosis and kept a pain diary. Back to the title - I've been using sleeping pills on occasion to help me fall asleep on bad pain days, but the last few times they've actually been keeping me awake with a crawl-out-of-your-skin restless feeling. So that's no longer an option. My doctor in Nashville suggested melatonin instead, so I picked that up today. Problem was I also picked up a big Cherry Coke at Sam's and have been sipping on it all evening. Mistake. I don't drink a lot of caffeine but it certainly does its job on me. So, great...now I've got conflicting forces at work in my brain. So I'm blogging about headaches again at 11:30 at night.

So while we're on the subject, can I just say that I hate the idea of the "new normal". It's all over the place on the NDPH support group site. Here's some facts about the "new normal" - the pain never goes away; you have to learn new limits to what you can and can't do; you have to realize that none of your friends and family members can relate to this weird diagnosis and that can be overwhelming at times (for you and them); you have to give up things you love (clogging, Six Flags...); you have to try lots of different meds and go to lots of doctors; you have to fight the feelings of being a failure; you have to try not to worry about the future; you have to admit that you're not as big and brave as you once were; you have to admit that you're not even the same person you once were; you have to really trust God a whole lot every minute of the day; you have to set a good example for others in your attitude and actions; you have to make the best of what you have and not be bitter about the things that gotten stolen from you; you have to be strong even when you don't feel like it; you have to be thankful that it's not worse than it is; you have to stay calm and not panic.

I really liked the old normal. Except that I prayed for this. I asked for hardship to prove my faith and make me more like Jesus. And I'm SO THANKFUL that God answered those prayers. I've learned so much in the past five months. More than I ever could have without pain. Thank you, Lord for knowing what's best for me. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to grow. Thank you for providing for me and never leaving me. So don't ever shy away from things that are hard. Grit your teeth, dig deep, cling to Jesus and let Him carry you through the red days. It's going to be worth it, He promises.