About a Boy

So there's this guy named Ben... some of you have heard this story before, but for those who haven't, here's the scoop:

Ben Steele started volunteering at BigHouse this semester. He tutors Micah's youngest sisters two days a week and he's also helped out at our wild and crazy Kids' Nights Out this spring. I've had a crush on him since I read his blog post about his first KNO experience. He called to ask me out two days before my birthday. A very wonderful early birthday present! We went out for coffee a week later and talked for 2 1/2 hours. The next week he took me out to dinner and gave me his roots tour of Auburn's campus. (Jenna says the fact that I described the date as "wonderful" even though it was on Auburn's campus was surely an act of God! Haha - it's all been God's actions!) That night we both stated our intentions of marriage and not just dating for fun (although it IS fun!). So now we're an item. A couple. Ben-annah. 

Oh he's so wonderful! He's sweet, and romantic, and gentlemanly. He's funny and a great storyteller. He's a godly man. He's an amazing writer. He's so handsome! He's a good sport. He's mature and responsible and trustworthy. He's perfect for me. :)

This scene has been in my head this week. 

Our first picture together - he does not like pictures, I've been informed, and he didn't like this one b/c he thought he looked goofy (well and I kinda cut off his head), but I liked it the best. And it's my blog. He can put his favorite on HIS blog! ;)

Twenty-Six!!

I am a super huge fan of birthdays, particularly mine. Today has been fantastic from start to end. I'm in Madison, Mississippi visiting my friend Julie and her husband Will. This morning I got up at 5 and enjoyed my quiet time and finishing my 25 list (previous blog post). I started reading Practicing His Presence (Bro. Lawerence and Frank Laubach) - very neat book. I ate chocolate "declare" cake for breakfast - it's really named chocolate eclair cake but I've called it declare since I was really young. (And I'm having some more now. Just talking about it made me so hungry!) I got many, many birthday wishes by phone, text and facebook. Although I like the facebook Timeline in general, it wouldn't show all my birthday messages at once which was a little annoying.

Julie took me to play tennis - I've never played before and it was a lot of fun. When we came home Will was washing my car!! Best birthday surprise. I loooove a clean car! This afternoon we went bowling and my first two games were awful, but then I bowled a 180! We went to eat at a Mexican restaurant and they brought me a dessert and a sombrero and sang and put whipped cream on my face! It was hilarious, even though I'm not big on getting messy.

Afterward we went back to play more tennis! I also requested to see Christmas lights because when I came in December we drove through this neighborhood where all the houses had lights that were synced with music and it was so cool. So we played and it was dark when we finished, and guess what we saw when we were driving home? Christmas lights!

Fantastic day. So much fun. Oh and yesterday I got my ears pierced for the first time ever! I love them. I think the lady at Walmart thought I was 15 b/c she asked me how old I was and when I told her I was turning 26, she laughed and said, "You look so young!" They are sparkly and I love them. I'm excited about earring shopping. I want some feather earrings.

25 Things I Learned When I Was 25

- Having interns at BigHouse is pretty much the best thing ever. They keep me company, they work hard, they are dependable and take up the slack for me on bad head days, they make me laugh, they do things I don’t love to do (clean, and embroider towels), they are my ‘legit’ friends.

- Winter is not necessary. We did just fine without it this year.

- It’s really fun to watch my team win the National Championship for college football (oh, wait…I learned that when I was 23.)

- God is not opposed to putting me through pain for my utmost good. And I’m glad.

- A headache really can last for more than a year (and counting).

- Being loved by a child is one of the most precious feelings ever.

- Being girly is fun – eye shadow, nail polish, earrings and all! Yes, these are all new to me.

- 4:00AM is not as scary as it used to be. It’s not when I would prefer to wake up, but if it happens it’s ok - God’s awake then too.

- I like to drive my car without turning on the radio. But if I do have it on, I enjoy listening to sermons.

- The park by Grandmom’s house is a wonderful retreat.

- Vacation is good for my head, most of the time.

- There is more to God than I ever imagined, and He is just who He says He is.

- I love married Sunday School classes.

- God’s not afraid of ANYTHING!

- I can do more than I think I can, but I can do nothing without Christ.

- “Blessed” translated from the Greek word makarizō means “to be declared as indwelt by God and therefore fully satisfied.”

- Double Dunker ice cream made by Turkey Hill deserves a standing ovation.

- I like prison break movies. But I never want to be in prison.

- A/C in the car is a luxury worth having.

- Meditation is a good practice.

- Discipleship relationships are rewarding on both ends.

- You know you’re a grown up when you are hiding Easter eggs instead of hunting them.

- Being useful to God has nothing to do with my activity.

- It’s ok to write in my Bible. But it will still travel in its box.

- God speaks my love language, even in discipline.

I am nothing

Before you think I've reached some super-spiritual state or that accepting God's will for me with the headache was some sort of magic trick that made it all-of-the-sudden tolerable or cured, let me assure that is not the case. Today has been a horrendous pain day. I'm fully blaming the storms for that, but at any rate, it's definitely been rough. I've done two shots (this is the fourth time I've used shots in two weeks - UNACCEPTABLE!) and the DHE is rough on me. Anxiety, nausea, muscle cramps, needles..no thank you. So I've been in bed all day, praying or attempting to pray, reading some, crying a lot, texting and calling people for support, etc. It hasn't been stellar, it wasn't what I wanted to be doing, but I am surrendered to God's will and trust that His plan is good.

"God disciplines us for our own good, that we may share in His holiness." Hebrews 12:10 I desire holiness. I'm not big and brave or strong, but I aim to be faithful. "Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name be the glory because of Your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1

March Madness

Today is March 1st and I feel like this month is already spoken for - all of my weekends are booked and while that's not all bad, it has me feeling slightly trapped. Because you know me - I like to keep my options open and travel on a whim. But there will be plenty of traveling - next weekend I'm going to the kNOw More Orphans Conference in Birmingham to host an expo table for BigHouse. We have a really professional looking presentation board and everything. The next Saturday I'm going with my Sunday School class to the Passages exhibit of Bible artifacts in Atlanta. The last weekend we're taking a BigHouse staff beach trip. We are SO EXCITED. At least, I am. I'm pretty sure the others are too.

I can't believe it's March again. Last year, March was an out-and-out disaster. My life was falling apart because of my headache and my parents came to rescue me. Then Bucky died. I spent three weeks in Tennessee, primarily in the bed or on the couch. I was on Topamax and it was horrendous. I wanted nothing but relief from pain so that I could live my normal, happy life. I thought I was going crazy (actually, I probably was). I remember crying and crying and saying, "I just don't understand!" - what was God doing? How could this be ok with Him? Wasn't I more valuable at work at BigHouse than lying in agony at home?

Last night I read a book(let) that brought me to an altogether different place with the headache. Acceptance. I will admit that when I got to the part about accepting your life, I had to put the book down and have a tantrum. "No God! I can't! This pain isn't ok with me!" But after finishing the book (all 32 pages, ha) and spent an hour in prayer over it, I wanted nothing but to fully surrender myself to Him and His will and trust His goodness. That's what He's been gently (and sometimes not-so-gently) telling me for over a year - "Trust Me." But I think I've finally gotten to a point where I can honestly say, "Ok Lord, whatever Your will is for me, I want it. I want it more than relief from pain, or an answer, or an understanding, or even a reward. I just want You, Jesus. You are enough." I want to know God more intimately. I want to be usable to Him. I must continually surrender my will to His. There is peace in surrender. God is good and His mercy endures forever.

The booklet is called The Great Lie by Martha Kilpatrick. I had been warned that it was deep and transformational, and I thought I was prepared. Ha. I'm reading it again today. And probably tomorrow. I'm beginning a discipleship relationship with a godly woman I have an increasing amount of respect for, and she gave the book to me. We're getting together next week to discuss it. I am beyond thrilled to have someone to disciple me! I'm so thankful that God placed her in my life to pour into me and challenge me and teach me more about Him.

"I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me." Psalm 13:6

"You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed. Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees!" Psalm 119:4-5

2012

I really like the number of year we're on now. 12 is my favorite! I think it has something to do with my "J" last name putting me somewhere around 12th in my elementary school classrooms. I think it made me feel at home when I went to college at the University of Alabama where the #12 means legacy on the football field. One time a long time ago my mom told me she wanted 12 grandchildren. Anyway, I love 2012 - even and beautiful numbers....maybe I have autistic tendencies? :)

So what have I done in the first month of 2012? Let's see:

- I celebrated New Year's with lots of college friends at Lauren and Justin's wedding in Huntsville on New Year's Eve.

- We got two full-time interns at BigHouse and I ADORE THEM!! They double our man-power and get so much done, it's just amazing. They're fun and funny and they love Jesus - I couldn't ask for better.

- My Bama boys won our 14th National Championship in football, and I got new t-shirt at midnight. Roll Tide!

- I got to see a sweet new baby girl in Canton! On that same weekend trip I got to spend time with lots of friends and go to the Buford Hwy Farmer's Market (AMAZING - I said it was like grocery shopping in Epcot).

- I got to talk to a Brownie Troop about BigHouse and bought Girl Scout cookies. They even let me join their Friendship Circle at the end of the meeting. Brought back lots of memories!

- I got to go to the Alabama/Auburn gymnastics meet in Auburn. We won! It was lots of fun, but the meets in Tuscaloosa are way better. :)

- I got to go Clanton and see Julie and Will and Julie's family this weekend. And I went to see Heather and Adam's new house in Montgomery they will be moving too soon!

It's been a good month! As far as headaches I've had 4 red days this month, but it's been somewhat better now that I'm not taking medicine every day. I go back to the neurologist next month and we'll discuss Botox and any other options he wants to give me.

I'm Back

No more Zonegran. NO MORE CRYING. :) And hopefully no more insane pain days - just normal pain days. :/ I would very happily give those up too. I called my doctor again on Wednesday and talked to the nurse and we decided that I would stop the Zonegran since the 400 mg seemed (to me, anyway) to be instigator of all the red days. And really, the only benefit I'd had from it was one miraculously good day the first week I was on it, and I lost like 10 lbs. from not eating. I can tell you that the last two weeks have not been worth it either of those things. So Zonegran has been added to the list of meds that don't work (in case you were wondering - we've tried 24 prescription meds and at least 9 OTC meds for this headache. Some list!)

Yesterday was bad. I had to do another shot. Let's not talk about it. Today has been much better. Praise the Lord! We had our BigHouse Teen Christmas Party last night and our Breakfast With Santa this morning. They were both wildly successful. God accomplishes all things for us. (Psalm 57:2) He is so good to BigHouse! It was such a delight to see all the families this weekend and to read their feedback on the family surveys this afternoon (that's my personal favorite part of the Santa Breakfast so I make it my priority). For both events we had about 200 people involved, not including those who donated gifts! That would be probably more like 500!! It was lots of fun!